Some days this disease is easier to handle than others... today I am sick of it. Sain's blood sugars have been high all weekend and I couldn't send her to school today because I can't get her numbers under 400. (Luckily she doesn't have any ketones!) I am tired, emotionally and physically but mostly I am tired of this stupid disease. Therapists have you write letters to the people causing you pain so I thought I would write a quick note to diabetes:
I am tired of you. You invaded my daughter’s life when she was only 5 and turned her world upside-down. She did nothing to deserve you and now she hardly remembers life before you. You robbed her of her innocence and took away a portion of her carefree sparkle. I will never forgive you. They can tell me all they want that forgiveness is essential but you don’t deserve it. You made her the “diabetic kid” and you made her feel different. Every time anyone says something about food people turn and look at her – that is because of you. Because of you she now knows about heart disease, kidney disease and amputations. No 8 year old should have to know about such things. She shouldn’t watch the presidential debates to find out healthcare policies, she should be watching SpongeBob. Because of you my daughter knows what life expectancy is and that hers is 15 years shorter than her classmates. That is a cruel thing to do to a kid! You didn’t just alter my daughter’s life, you made my son scared of his own genetic history. I will never forgive you for that either. You made me “that” mom – you know the one. The one people point out when she picks up her kids, the one who demands to know what snacks people are bringing, the lady who yells at Medco and the person who has Premera on speed dial. When people want to know about Children’s Hospital they come to me – that’s all because of you. Because of you I haven’t really slept in nearly three years and I’m exhausted!
Good-hearted people tell me that you made my daughter stronger and more caring. She was strong and caring long before you came into our lives. We didn’t need you for that. Haven’t you caused enough pain for my daughter? Why can’t you just go away?