Difficult Questions

I can remember a time when life was much more black and white than it is now. Although I am certain I am a better person for my grasp of the many shades of grey, I long for the days of black and white, good and evil, right and wrong.

But those days will never come back.

There is something I long to blog about, something that has happened in our world, a twist in the plot, fork in the road (you choose the cliche), but it is not my story to write. So I will honor privacy out of respect for a little girl I hardly know.

Instead I will write this...

Caring for a diabetic child is hard. It is something that takes time and effort and a heck of a lot of sleepless nights. But we (the many parents of diabetic children) do it because the consequences of not doing it are unthinkable.

None of us asked for this challenge but it was one given to us. I don't get religious in my blog -- there are plenty of religious blogs out there already -- but I view taking care of Sain as something God trusted me to do and I take it very seriously.

Now comes the difficult question -- how do you respond to a child who realizes at the age of 9 that the right answer to a tough question is not the easy answer and that same answer is not what everyone wants to hear?

I responded with honesty.

In the last weeks I have repeatedly promised Sain I will always take care of her and work with the amazing people around us to provide all the best care for her. Thank you Mom and Dad for being my back up(and for promising me you will always put Sain's well-being before mine)and Thank you Children's Hospital for guiding me and for providing a safety net even if people can't understand it.

Kindergarten Christmas Play

Last Wednesday was the St. Anthony School KA Christmas Play. They did an amazing job!

If anyone doubts that Aidan is a ham -- check out the video. He's the shepherd in the red.



Have a Merry Christmas! Hopefully we are off to Vancouver tomorrow (as long as Amtrak will coorporate.)

Christmas

This year I feel a lot like Cindy Lou Who.

Snow

Maybe Pavlov was onto something

I don't remember hearing Sain's alarm. I don't remember getting out of bed. Nor do I remember grabbing her meter on the way to Sain's room.

It was just after 1:00 am. I woke up and there I was -- sitting on the side of her bed, meter and lancing device out, test strip in. The pump was beeping so I silence the alarm, grabbed one of Sain's abused fingers and poked.

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Not terrible... I know, a little high, but not the worst. I gave her a small correction and went back to bed.

I don't know how long it took Pavlov to train the dogs to respond to the bells but it appears it only took "Pumpy" (if you know Sain then you know she names EVERYTHING) 3 months to train me.

Time for another countdown

It seems time for another countdown although the way I formatted this I guess it's a "count-up":

1 day until the Christmas concert at school. Sain and Aidan have grown up so much in the short time I've been attending the St. Anthony's Christmas Concerts.

2 days until Seven Brides for Seven Brothers with the SMU folks but more importantly 2 days until Gloria gets to go home. If you need an example of a modern day miracle, read through this.

7 days until Aidan's kindergarten Christmas Play. This year the lead Sheppard will be my favorite role... 3 years ago Gabriel was my favorite.


14 days until we head to Vancouver for Christmas. It might be viewed as selfish by some, but I am really looking forward to Christmas alone with my kids.


46 days until the JDRF Jump Event



159 days until Beat the Bridge 2009. It's hard to believe this will be our 5th year fighting for a cure. In ways it seem like we've always lived with this disease; in other ways it feels like just yesterday Sain was diagnosed. A lot has changed in 4 years!

Stupid Ketones

Nothing like high blood sugars and ketones to ruin a morning. Hopefully Sain will be feeling better after a quiet day resting at Grandma and Grandpa's house!

Our new tradition?

Aidan is having a tough time this month. Everything at school is Advent**, everything on TV is Christmas, and even all the announcements at karate are holiday related. Each morning he wakes up and asks me, "Is it Christmas yet?"

(He even tried to convince me that if I light all 4 candles on his Advent Wreath Christmas would come more quickly.)

Put Aidan's impatience together with the lack of sleep from excitement and you've got one very cranky little boy. But I came up with a plan.

Today I went to Target at lunch and bought both kids 20 $1 toys and candies. Each day until Christmas they get to unwrap a small gift. Each gift has a letter A - S on it. Rather than have them randomly draw a letter out of a hat, I made origami fortune tellers (three for each kid - one red, one green, and one white) and made each letter be a fortune. Once they choose a letter I have stickers to cover it up so we won't choose that again.

When I ran the idea of a small(I emphasized small) gift every day until Christmas by Aidan last night be thought it was great. Even better, he behaved all evening and was in a great mood this morning.

Hopefully it will work and Advent won't be such an overwhelming time for him.

** Next week is the Christmas concert at school. Sain is excited to wear her new boots. (I can actually fit my foot in her new boots -- she's getting too big!) The following week is the kindergarten Christmas play. I have to brag and say that Aidan has a speaking role. He's the lead shepard. That is a huge accomplishment for a little boy who is in speech therapy twice a week and will probably continue that way for the next few years.

We Got The Letter!

YIPPEE -- we got the letter in the mail this evening saying "no new autoantibodies" for Aidan! I have never been more happy to receive a piece of mail in my life!

Lows

"Lows suck" -- Sain

In the middle of Ikea, on the day after Thanksgiving an alarm sounded.

The alarm wasn't loud and no one else heard it. No one else stopped. But my heart stopped. Thank God for CGMs.

I pulled Sain (truthfully a shell of Sain -- a vacant, quiet, pale shell of my vibrant 9 year old) to the side. She grabbed a stuff kitty to comfort her and I grabbed her meter.

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I kick myself for grabbing only her meter from the car and not the overly packed kit but I thank God when I look up and see we are right next to the cafe. I cut in line, grab a kids cup, throw $2 at the cashier and rush to the fountain drinks.

I didn't yell at the woman taking her time getting Coke -- I just shove my cup under the Sprite. "It's not a matter of life and death if you get your Sprite you know." I say nothing because getting to Sain was far more important than a confrontation but I make a mental note to myself never to use that phrase again.

Sain drinks.

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I refill.

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I refill, again.

Sain feels sick. She's not used to sugared soda so we sit and wait for the sugars to kick in. (She still has the kitty in her hand.)

20 minutes pass and she continues to sip her Sprite.

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We finish our shopping (which included her new kitty she fittingly named "Hypo") and head home.

On the way home I asked Sain what lows are like. "Lows suck," she said. Then she hugged Hypo and cried.