Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Isolation

This disease is lonely.

What I've discovered is there are a handful of amazingly wonderful people (whom I cherish more than they can ever know) that get it but the rest, no matter how much they say they understand, simply don't. They can't I guess.

Today started wonderfully-- see previous post. I was so happy. Sain's A1C is great, our Beat the Bridge team is unbelievable and everything seemed to be falling into place. Wow, did that change in the blink of an eye.

I know people have lives of their own. I get that my life is not the center of the universe but a few events today really put me in my place.

It's funny, diabetes made me share. It made me open up. I NEVER did this before. I NEVER shared my personal life and NEVER offered more information than the bare minimum.

People knew me but only superficially. There are rare exceptions. There are those that I've met from time to time that I had an instant bond with but those people are few and far between.

Diabetes gave me a reason to break through that comfort zone. I need a cure for Sain so it doesn't matter how uncomfortable I am I just need to get the story out there. It's intersting how "need" always trumps "want."

Tonight I am fighting to urge to recluse so I am making myself blog. I really want to go back to that "skater chick" as Sain likes to call me and wear all black and hide. But I know I can't do that. Sain is too important. All the other amazing kids and families I've met through this disease are too important. I know I can't let ignorant people stop me -- I guess my fighting instinct is stronger than my hiding instinct.

The thought that's keeping me going today (besides Sain's great A1C) -- In less than two weeks I will be in the one city on this planet that has ever felt like home to me. Even if I am only there for a week, at least I have that week and I get to share it with the two people I love more than anything.

As they said in Anne of Green Gables, "Tomorrow is a new day - fresh with no mistakes in it."

1 comment:

Kate said...

Angie: John and I love you and Sain and Aidan very much, and I wish I could take away your heartache and loneliness. You are an amazing mom, and you are doing incredible things for your children. I wish I could make this all easier for you. I wish I could snap my fingers and find a cure for diabetes and make the irritating people go away and/or understand your life better. Just know that you are loved and admired. Know that your kids are terrific -- smart, funny, caring, compassionate, kind, loving. YOU are responsible for how wonderful they are. Sending lots of prayers and peace your way.