Friday, August 29, 2008

Honest Friday Post

aka The Post Almost Not Published

Maybe it’s the depressing choice of songs my iPod is shuffling for me today, or maybe it’s the end of summer but what ever it is I am very reflective today.

Truthfully, I think my mood stems from seeing in writing the fact that it was just a few months post-diagnosis that I was presented with the lovely challenge of single parenting. (We were interviewed at JDRF for PR stuff.)

I don’t blog about that aspect of my life, I try to keep it separate, but I am going to cross that line a little today.

Financially it’s tough. I wish I had the money to do everything I want (and everything my kids deserve) but on one income it’s tough to keep up with medical costs and private school tuition. Both of which are too important not to pay for. Thank God my kids have good imaginations and we can make our own adventures instead of having to go places.

Physically it’s tough. I know the lack of sleep and constantly pushing myself to do more is not healthy but it’s what I have to do. There are days when I lie in bed after my alarm goes off and seriously wonder if I am going to be able to get up. But I do it and I will continue to.

Socially it’s tough. I get one night a month without the kids and most of that is spent worrying that their dad won’t check blood sugars or will let alarms on the pump go off without fixing them (sadly, this happened.)

Emotionally it’s most tough. I have a great network of friends and family around me but no one is there in the middle of the night. I would love to be able to come back to bed after a 2 am check and tell someone (besides Tennyson) how the numbers were. No one in my network of people really knows what it feels like to be alone and do this.

That said, I wouldn’t change a thing. I have the best kids, the best family and friends, and the best cat (who really does seem interested when I tell him Sáin’s nighttime numbers.)

Have a wonderful Labor (or Labour if your in Canada) Day Weekend!


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Kudo's to you for truly doing it alone.. although it sounds like you have a great support system.. and although, I am married and have a spouse who is 'in bed' with me at 2am right after I wake to do a BG check.. no one is awake to listen.. no one shares that resposibility... so I hope this eases your mind when i say, that sharing of numbers is a fantasy.. well atleast in my house it is.. .even when i ask my dear hubby to do a finger poke, he does not 'share' with me what the numbers were.. he does not memorize all the carb values and how it affects our son... You are a true pancreas parent! and a darn good one, doing so much for your daughter.. she is lucky.. to have you, and you her.. we deal, and we stuggle, but we survive... you, she, me, we... we will survive... I use the blog as my outlet.. usually middle of the nite madness of thoughts i wish i could share with someone who cares, and truly.. i think there are more of us up at nite blogging our worries and thoughts, than those 'sharing' numbers in bed with a spouse.(Unless I am the only one not having a picture perfect marriage - which i don't think is the case) I hope this came across as a pick me up message, it was intended too.. and wow, hats off to you.. to be able to have your daughter in private school.. where we know our kids are safest (With Diabetes.. in my limited experience) ... Also, ask at the school if the offer finacial aid.. I am not saying your situation requires it, but you may be surprised to know they will help you.. and every little bit counts... especially with medical bills and BS*it that comes with Diabetes...

I will be thinking of you tonight at 2am... when i check my son...

p.s If Sain is starting school tomorrow,,, I wish her a great first day!